Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

I thought Finn was a Tennessee Walking Horse but he is really a Blackberry Pointer.

Thursday, September 29th, 2011
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I love blackberries and blackberry jam, don’t you?

Luckily, (or unluckily – depending upon your infestation)  blackberries abound in our neck of the woods.

We don’t have any on our property (Yay!) but the rampant bushes exist all around outside our gates and on the trails.

MY MISTAKE

Many moons ago, I taught my previous and recently knighted trailhorse, Aladdin, all about blackberries.  We’d hunt them on trail rides and he would wait quietly as I scooped up the most sun warmed morsels for him to slobber up.

Aladdin, being the mannered and gentlemanly gelding that he was, always remained patient and accommodating during our blackberry hunts.  He would let me mount and dismount as often as required in order to find the exact right berries for our consumption.

Since this was such an enjoyable experience for us, I thought it would be a bonding opportunity for Finn and me.

So, I taught him about blackberries.

That was my mistake.

The luscious berries

THE PROCEDURE

Our first foray into blackberries was quite simple.  I told him Whoa.  I got off.  He stood there while I picked a few berries.  I ate one and made the “ummmm nom nom” sound.  He pricked his ears.  I offered a luscious berry to Finn.  He sniffed it and looked at me. I told him to “go ahead”.  He sniffed and then gently pursed his lips and picked up the berry between them as he continued to train his eyes on me.

“You’re OK, just eat it!”, I said.

Finn:  Are you sure?  It smells kinda sour…

Me:  Yes!  Eat it!  You will love it and beg for more.

Finn (drooling a bit now with the berry still between his lips):  What if I hate it?

Me:  You can spit it out.  Besides, this will be a very fun thing we can do together.  Berry Hunting!

Finn:  I’m a horse.  We don’t hunt.

Me:  You will once you taste one, now EAT IT.

And, he did.

That was the start of the problem…

His first, tentative bite.

THE PROBLEM

We need an intervention.

Finn is hooked on blackberries.

As soon as I take him out of the trailer, his eyes start searching for the bushes.  He races along the trail, running up to any bush that might contain a blackberry.  Then he pleads with me to get off and feed him.  If I say NO, he pouts.  He refuses to  move.

He believes he needs blackberries to survive.

HIS ADDICTION HAS EFFECTED ME IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS…

Although Finn allows me to mount, he is jittery.  He needs his fix.  The smell of blackberry is in the air.

Along the trail, he concentrates on nothing else except where he will find his next fix.

He knows the best bushes lurk in the partially sunny areas.  His favorites are the berries that are back off of the trail.  Those are less dusty, more pure.

He searches and motors forward without a thought on how his single-mindedness is ruining my ride.  He doesn’t care.  He doesn’t notice.  It makes no difference how his berry fixation is hurting me.  He continues without even a glance in my direction.

Once he spots a bush, he rushes towards it.

My pointer horse...

GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

Finn inserts himself into the middle of the bush and demands that I find him some berry.

He points his muzzle where he thinks the berries might be and waits – ears twitching.

If I don’t dismount, he turns to look at me.  “Well??!! – Get off and get me someadat!  Now!”

I watch as Finn starts his ‘Stevie Wonder Head Bop and Weave’.  He swings his head back and forth, trying to anticipate which of my mounted hands holds the berries.  He continues to fidget and weave.

I tell him that I have no berries.   Finn becomes obviously agitated.

“How dare you!  I carry you all around.  The least you can do is get me some BERRY!”

So, being the indulgent trail rider, I dismount.

I carefully make my way into the very prickly bush that now is grabbing at my tights claiming, “I got you!  And I plan to destroy your best riding pants!”

I cringe.  Yet, I continue.

I feel Finn’s hot breath on my neck…

This is his Stevie Wonder bob and weave...

I look around for the most purple of the berries.  I need the most sun drenched and ready to fall morsel for my dearest.

But, it appears I am taking too long with my decision.

Darling Finn is becoming increasingly more agitated.

“Aw fur criminy sakes, just pick the darn thing wouldja?!”

Finn pushes in and tries to nibble the bush himself.

He jumps back, “Ouchy crapola!  OK, you do it – just do it faster!!”

Finn doesn’t care about my well being.  He just wants his fix.  Clearly, I’m riding with an addict.

I reach into my pouch to try to distract him from his addiction with a Blueberry Chia bar.

He takes it.  He eats it.

And then demands more berry.

‘GIMME THE JUICE!”

My hand, stained with berry juice, reaches into my pouch to try to distract him from his addiction. I offer him a Chia bar...

 

THIS FIX IS YOUR LAST

I tell him that this berry is his last.

“Enjoy it.”

Finn:  “Sure, sure, anything you say… just get me my berry.”

Me:  Why do you insist upon berry?  What does it do for you?

Finn:  “When I eat berry, everything is peaceful.  The juices flow down my throat and sooth my mind.  The sugar courses through my veins and I fell like a superhorse!  I feel I can do anything!  I need it.”

Sigh.

I look upward towards Aladdin and shake my head.

What have I done…

My berry stained hand reaching into a prickly bush as Finn's nose looms closely... GIMME!

 

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A Few Very Funny Videos for a Sunday…

Sunday, September 25th, 2011
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I’ve been saving up some videos and today seemed like the right day to send them your way.

All of these made me chuckle!  They are worth watching and all are short.

 

JEDI KITTENS

OK, well, most of you are probably not StarWars fans and you don’t have to be to enjoy this.

I laughed out loud!  Seriously!

For me, the fact that these college kids made the ramshackle kitty starships and the outfits…OMG, I was grinning from ear to ear.  I even had to stop the video to see how the battleships were constructed.  (Note the soup can gun turrets!).

I think the kitty outfits were made out of felt from their Mom’s sewing bag.

I watched the “Making of the Jedi Kittens” and the guys are very tender and considerate of their newly adopted Shelter kittens.  Both kitties were born prematurely and had eye infections which the boys’ vets are treating.

Anyway, it is very cute and inventive.  Here is the link or click the image.

 

Click to watch the video

NIGHTY NIGHT!

This one is really quick but totally adorable… It is a dog who tucks himself into bed.  Click here or the image.

Click here to see the tuck-in video

 

CATTLE ROUNDUP!

OMG.  This killed me!  It is a radio controlled car that totally baffles the bovines.  Love it!

Click here or the image.

Click here to see the remote control roundup!

 

LAST BUT NOT LEAST… AAADD

I might be getting old, but this made me laugh out loud!  It is an English woman explaining how she is buy all day but gets nothing done.

She calls it Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.  Click link here or the image.

Click here to watch the AAADD video

 

HORSE AND MAN is a blog in growth… if you like this, please pass it around!

 

 

 

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Caboodle Ranch (As in “kit n caboodle”) – A Cat Sanctuary.

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011
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OK, so cats are not horses.

The only horsey thing about this post is the word ‘ranch’.

However, I thought these photos and this man were very compelling.

I mean, who does this?!  And, who does it with such FLAIR?

I have to say that I am totally impressed with his design and construction… my house should be so cute!

THANK YOU, KIND READER

One of you sent this article to me and I pored over it as if it was the document describing the precise formula for Wonka Bars.  I swear, I found this utterly fascinating!

I looked at every house and all the detail.  I looked at all the different felines.  I computed ages and sexes and groups… I wondered which cats liked which homes.  Do they pick a home based on design?  Did some of them like the church and others the cabin?  I mean, who puts a miniature rake and shovel on a cat’s house for decoration?   I guess I can see planting flowers in front of a cat abode, but I have never cut curtains for my cats…

And, what was it like to go on a walk with them all?  Did most of them get bored or distracted along the way?  Did some follow him everywhere?  Did he get ambushed from tree dwelling tenants?

Does this guy have any human friends?  Does he need any?

Anyway, I thought I would post these pics on this Wednesday (humpday) to help you all get past the dulldrums of the mid-week slump.

Enjoy!

 ORIGINAL ARTICLE (the photo subtitles are mine…)

Man Built a Sanctuary for Homeless Cats
by Amy B. on May 14th, 2010

OK, seems totally every day normal

Craig Grant bought a tree farm far away from the city and turned it into a sanctuary for all the cats he has rescued. He lives there with the cats and provides lots of love, care and companionship. It’s hard to imagine that once he was not a cat lover and did not want cats until he met his son’s cat Pepper. He also got to experience what it is like raising a litter of kittens.

Wait a minute!...

“Over that time I learned that every cat had its own unique personality and it wasn’t long before the kittens were swinging from my curtains. I didn’t care. Something had changed… I didn’t want to give them up.” The condo life was not easy for the kitties, so Craig found a tree farm and settled down there for his fur babies.

Notice the specially made sign, the mailbox and the functioning window...

 

Over the next several months, he rescued more and more homeless and abandoned cats. The number of new residents kept going up, so Craig expanded the sanctuary to make more room for the animals.

OMG! It is like a Putty Tat Playground! A Whisker Wonderland!

The farm was named Caboodle Ranch and is now a permanent home for all the homeless, rescued cats. Each of them has a sad story of their past, but now they are living in heaven.“

Working on the church window with his assistants

Cats should be able to roam free, and at Caboodle Ranch, that’s what they do.” Craig has built many beautiful cat houses and decorated the place with vibrant colors and tons of liveliness.

Hmmmm, where will I sleep tonight?...

All the cats are spayed and neutered. Don’t forget to visit Caboodle Ranch (non profit rescue center) at their website and check them out on Facebook.

This is the house with the mini rake.

 

Cute!

 

Kinda scary if you are a mouse delivering something to this residence...

 

City Hall is very popular. They should have called it Kity Hall.

 

This cat looks like he is starring in a puppet show.

 

This one looks a bit unhappy with her digs. However, I like the cushy bumper for her porch.

 

Yup. He has a few cats...

 

The carpenter and his cats. (I wonder who drives the mini-jeep?)

 

I think I might be able to figure out how to create this one...

 

Look at the detail!

 

Awwwww.

 

 

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Alright, Go Ahead… Have a good laugh at my expense! I got my trailer stuck.

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011
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How many of you have done this…?

You think the ground is fine – or the ground was fine earlier but then it … wasn’t.

Ugh.

I got my truck mired in mud on my own front lawn.  So embarrassing.

THE STORY

OK, well, I have no excuse really… But I will say that previous to this day, I had always been able to drive on my front lawn to maneuver my truck and trailer.

However, I kinda knew that the lawn was saturated because of a new trench that had been dug to accommodate our solar system…

But, I forgot this little piece of pertinent information.

AFTER THE RIDE

I pulled up my driveway as I always do after a ride and made the split second decision to park in front of the pony pasture on the concrete slab there.

I do this sometimes because if I am pulling a larger load, it is easier to offload the horses there than up around the top of the circle driveway.

Anyway, as I was doing this – pulling onto the concrete in front of the pony pasture – I made another split decision.  I thought, “Hey, I only have Finn in here, I think I’ll pull up to the top of the circle instead.”

That thought was my mistake.

Mid concrete I accelerated enough to make a wide sweeping turn to get back onto the driveway.

Except it didn’t work.  I had forgotten about the newly dug (and then covered up) trench.

I pulled forward and suddenly, I couldn’t go anymore.

UH OH. MY STUCK TRUCK AND TRAILER. Note the front truck tire...

MY BEST PLAN

Immediately I knew that this wasn’t good.

I got out of my truck to survey the situation.  If I had 4-wheel drive, all would be fine.

(Do you know how many times I’ve said that to myself?…)

But, I didn’t.

The rear tires were now a bit sunken into the trench so I had no pulling power.

I decided to let Finn out and think for a bit.

MEAGER THOUGHTS

Aha!  I know!  I’ll put a board under the front tires for traction!

…Well, this is why Hubby is the engineer and I’m not.

Whatever I did wasn’t engineered correctly and the truck, trailer and their inept driver (me) slipped helplessly backwards in an erratic, muddy backslide.

As I saw the fence drawing near, I panicked!  I threw on every brake possible and ended up stopping about a foot from crashing through the pony fence and releasing the little devils ala Ghostbusters.

CRAP!

Now I’d done it.  Here I was, sitting on my front lawn with my truck and trailer stuck in an obvious (now) trench.

I decided to detach my truck thinking it could make it out on its own, but of course I was wrong.  That idea just sent my truck in a slippy-slidey fishdance on my lawn.

At the same time, I was creating a mess, as you can imagine.

At least all the horses were wildly entertained.

Tess (seeing me backslide with the trailer):  “What is she doing now?”

Remi (watching me unhitch the trailer):  “Oh, I see… well that will never work. ”

Finn (jumping at the opportunity):  “Who wants to take odds?”

Dodger (always sweet):  “Hey, give her a break.  She means well…”

Finn (knowing I was done for):  “Aha!  See, that was a horrible plan!  Everyone owes me all of their grain!”

YEESH. I was that close to busting through the fence.

I GAVE UP

Obviously, I was not going to get out of this on my own.  I could call all of my friends and see who was available to come over with their truck and potentially get us all stuck…

Or I could call in a professional.

I like all of my friends so I decided to save them this mess.

THE PROFESSIONAL

I actually opened the local phone book and dust came out.  I don’t think I’d ever opened it before.

Anyway, I saw an ad that pledged that they could pull out anything that was stuck.   Sounded good so I called.

And I waited for the professional to arrive…

And then I heard it.

OMG.

I heard it rumbling down the street about an hour before I could see it.

I swear to horsegod, I had no idea trucks came that large.

Behemoth.  Huge.  Incredible.

As it tanked up to my tiny self standing there trembling, I realized that I didn’t even come up to the middle of the front grill.  Wow.  I felt like an ant.

However, the good news was that I was pretty sure he could pull me out…

Behemoth. I didn't even reach the middle of the front grill.

TOW COWBOY

The driver was about as close to a cowboy as you could get without actually knowing anything about a horse.

This tall, lean drink o’ water stepped out of the cab and jumped the 40′ to the ground where I stood craning my neck to see up against the sunlight.  He kinda looked like a tattooed and pierced angel with all that backlight.

Anyway, without a word, he surveyed the situation.  Then, after a long pause and some chaw spit, he uttered almost inaudibly, “I can fix that…”

I jumped up with glee and started clapping my hands like a little monkey.  He looked at me… and I stopped.

THE PROCEDURE

He motioned that I should get my truck hooked back up to the trailer.  I felt foolish for having unhooked them and even more foolish because I had no way of controlling my truck to reconnect them.

So, he sighed and told me that he would lift my truck into position and then I could steer as he gently let me slide into position.

“LIFT me?”

Yup.

“OK, you’re the boss.”

So, he literally tied a huge cable onto my hood and lifted me skyward towards the skyscraper crane contraption he had on the back of his monster.

I felt like I was in Disneyland.

Eventually, after much bumper car action, we got the truck reattached to the trailer and it was time for the big move…

Towcowboy attaching my tiny to his huge.

THE BIG MOVE

This cracked me up because I had to sit and steer in the cab of my tiny Dodge 3500 dually while the humungo truck pulled my dinky truck and dinkier trailer out of our predicament.

I’m sure he could have pulled us up completely vertical like a fish on a line.

But, he didn’t.  He placed us nicely down on the driveway and I was able to re-park like a normal person.

All that fun for a mere $250.

Sheesh.

What I coulda done with $250…

Me steering as he pulled us off the ground and towards him.

HUBBY

When Hubby returned home that evening, I knew I had to tell him.  I figured he’d  notice the huge divots in the lawn.  But he didn’t!

I told him anyway…  I told him that I got stuck on the lawn but that I got unstuck, too.

He didn’t ask any questions and we moved on with our normal evening conversations.

…  I guess TOWCOWBOY and I will keep this as our own little adventure…!

Somewhere, I hear the theme to THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY whispering in the background…  ;)

Safe again at the top of the driveway - just lighter by $250.

 

 

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JULY BUCKET FUND

ITSUKO, ADMIRALTY and BHFER

Please help rehab Itsuko, a great granddaughter of Native Dancer who had 99 starts, won 100K, had several foals and then was … forgotten and starved.  And, Admiralty who was winched to a trailer.  Click here to learn more.

Click on image to learn more about the Bucket Fund!

 

 

 

 

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Chasing Dust Bunnies and Spider Relocation Programs… All in a day’s work while cleaning out the horse trailer.

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
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BEFORE WE BEGIN:  WE ARE ORDERING BITLESS LG BRIDLES THIS WEEK (FROM GERMANY).  IF YOU WANT ONE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW VIA THIS LINK.  YOU CAN READ TESTIMONIALS THERE FROM THE OTHERS WHO HAVE PURCHASED THIS AMAZING (IMHO) BRIDLE!

 

Chasing Dust Bunnies and Spider Relocation Programs… All in a day’s work while cleaning out the horse trailer.

I gotta say, when I purchased my brand new, top of the line, 4 Star horse trailer in 1997, I hugged and kissed it – then proceeded to spit-shine that thing for nearly three years afterward.

I was so thrilled to not be bumming rides anymore that I practically heard the angels sing every time I gazed upon its lovliness.

I power washed my silver equine chariot every Spring and Fall.  I scoured the hay mangers, bumpers and walls.  I got a knife and scraped out the leaves and debris in the poorly designed window channels.

I replaced the little red and orange reflectors semi-annually.  I installed carpet over the factory carpet – just to keep the originals clean.

I always remembered to push down on the locking back door handle before I swung around the latch.  Every part remained lubed and pristine.

My trailer was my pride and joy.  It was my mini-equinevacationmobile.

Ahhhh, those were the glory days…

I heard the angels sing...

AS THE YEARS PASSED

As the years passed, I began to lighten up…

Sure, I cried the first time I scraped off the left wheel-well bumper thing.  And it really is a pain to have to maneuver the gooseneck ‘just so’ because the hitchplate is stuck, but really, all is still fine.

I mean, yeah, I have driven off with the back doors open.  They swung shut once I hit something.  No one was hurt except the rear door which has a branched-shaped ding as a reminder.

And, yes, I have forgotten to slam the tack room door hard enough and then had some nice passerby drive up beside me and scare me to death, “Look in your mirror, Lady, your door is open!”    Yup, I miss all of those curry combs and grooming items which were haphazardly strewn about some lonesome country road.

But really, you have to take the good with the bad…  I’ve had a mowing gardener spray rocks against my trailer which broke all the windows.  That was bad – but once the horses got used to the taped-up windows they didn’t care.

Oh and then there was the time Hubby backed the trailer over a concrete barrier at a fueling station.  “Gotta get closer…”.  Yup, that bumper will never be the same.  But, I’ve gotten lots of mileage out of that so it was all good.

Upper deck tack pile-up

I’ve permanently reshaped the wheel casing on the passenger side.  It works better this way.  Now I can run up on curbs without creating any damage.

Sadly, however, the steel foot is bent just a smidge.   The spare tire lives in my truck, the precious and almighty hitch lock sits dormant in my tack room and the outside lights just started functioning again this year (a wiring thing).

Probably the most distressing item that I cannot change is that the windows leak if I park at the wrong diagonal during a heavy storm.  But no worries because the onset of moldy specks makes me clean all my tack a few times per year.

It’s all good.

Yikes. Messy carpet.

HORSE REMODELING

As far as the horses go, Gwen has knocked forward a piece of the interior stall – she being the redecorator type.   Violet Beauregard has stood on the runners so many times that they’ve bent a bit.  Bodhi had a one-horse Sumo wrestle with the trailer which created a few minor head-butt dings.  But all in all, not much damage there.

Well, that’s not all true…  the mangers are ripped and gone.  Morgans like to get their feet caught in them.

And, since I usually trail ride alone, the horses have allowed the spiders to take up residency in the 2nd stall – for company on long rides.

The spider stall.

MECHANICAL CARE

Oh, don’t get me wrong… I take excellent mechanical care of my trailer.  I pack the bearings, check the brakes, check the tires and tune-up the truck more often than is normal.  (Nervous Hen makes the Dodge Dealer very happy.)

But as far as the appearance of my trailer…  I just kinda let the spit shine part fall to the wayside.

The cleaning begins! (Note the photo bomber dog is at it again...)

TODAY I WAS GUILTED INTO CLEANING

One of the best parts of having new horsey friends come over is that you suddenly see all the dirt that has made camp in your trailer.

As I entered my trusty aluminum bullet to take Finn out today, I noticed all the nasty bits and immediately changed my plans.

Yikes.  Time to clean and organize.  Organize or set up a tack shop…

Truth to tell, I had enough tack stashed in there to outfit a search party.

Rugs in the washer and more on deck...

No more upper deck pile-up

I had 17 cinches of all shapes and sizes!  17.  How many do I need when I usually ride one horse at a time?

I had 7 pads for two saddles.

I found two pair of sunglasses, my favorite winter shirt, a few halter fleeces, my phone case and a red hat.  Sadly, I didn’t uncover the spare set of keys which I have misplaced in some Bermuda Triangle.

I washed all the rugs, used my mini Shopvac all over, brushed the spiders into places unknown (except for one DaddyLongLegs who was in the horse part.  He fought hard so I let him stay…) and I actually re-stored all the extra tack in the extra tack area.

Clean tack room

MY FRIEND ARRIVES TOMORROW

My friend arrives tomorrow and I will not be embarrassed.  My wonderful silver chariot once again is singing with the angels.  Not that I ever didn’t hear the singing… truth to tell, I am amazed every time I look at my two-horse slant load gooseneck.  I had wanted one for so long, that phrase, “two-horse slant gooseneck” feels like a run-on one word mantra.

I’ll never forget how wonderful it felt to drive that puppy home – even though I had no idea how to really drive it…  ;)

I was so thrilled and honestly, I still feel it every time I look at my very own 4Star2horseslantloadtrailer.

I guess I just need to invite horsey people over more often so I can keep it clean, for criminysakes!  <smile>

My silver chariot gleams again!

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